She is in my trunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
