Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
