he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
