I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
