Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
