Screwed.edu
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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