guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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