So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
