I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
