Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
