jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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