Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
