even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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