Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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