Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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