My liver just broke up with me...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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