Who did Billy Mays play for?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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