We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
