my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
