There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
