I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
