R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
