JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
