she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My bed smells like the plague
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
