just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
