At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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