How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
