I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
