Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
