We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
