Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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