I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
