Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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