Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They took my balls.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
