I think I died a long time ago.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
