I feel great
I just peed on a car
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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