I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize