I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
