The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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