I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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