You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
