She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
