You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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