I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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