Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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