my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
