My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
