Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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