I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
