just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
