i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
