love makes seman taste better
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
