I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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