Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
