he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
