I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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