Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
