So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
