Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
