My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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