Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
