Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
