why didn't you poke me back
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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